For every relationship to survive, it must be sustained by communication. The relationship between God and man can only be sustained by constant communication. Isaiah. 1:18. says;“Come now, and let us reason together, saith the LORD: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be like crimson, they shall be as wool.” God knows the importance of communication in the affair of men; that is the reason he enjoys mutual relationship with His children. Major points of healthy relationships are:
- Communication is for education: we communicate to educate, we speak to enlighten and to teach.
- We communicate to encourage ourselves: Some people speak to discourage, which is contrary to the purpose of communication for it is for encouragement.
- Communication is for Instruction and Information: the question is, does your communication educate; Does it encourage or destroy the listeners? Does it inform or instruct your audience? It is better to say nothing, if your communication is not going to fulfill any of the above purposes.
Colossians 4:6, Says; “Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man.”
The following are rules that must be followed.
- Communication never bottles up: A man and his wife had a minor misunderstanding and both of them stopped talking to each other for days, despite living in the same house and sleeping on the same bed. The wife would simply prepare her husband’s food, put it on the dinning table and went out for her business. The husband would get to the table, eat his food and go out of the house. It continued like that until one day, when the man had an important appointment to keep and being a deep sleeper, he put down a short note, stocked it on the side of her wife’s bed. The note read, “Please wake me up at 5.00 am tomorrow.” The man did not wake up until 6.30 am. In anger and great outburst, the man said to his wife “I said you should wake me up and you did not, I have an important appointment to keep, you made me miss my appointment.” The wife simply pointed his attention to his own side of the bed where she had also stocked her note, which read “It is 5:00 am; wake up” and that was how the conflict was resolved. The point is this, let your spouse know that you have been hurt by what he/she has said or done for he/she may not know until you let him or her realize it. A woman in her attempt not to hurt her husband kept repressing her own feeling; her eventual outburst did not solve her problem. As a matter of fact, she suffered nervous breakdown and that was why somebody said; “Impression without expression leads to depression.” Express yourself freely in your marriage; it is one major rule that makes marriages and relationships blossom.
- Never speak when you are angry: You might say something silly and may regret it for long. Prov. 29:11 says; “A fool uttereth all his mind; but a wise man keepeth it in till afterwards.” Be sensible, be patient and hold back your anger. Don’t speak when you are angry; For you can never regret what you have not said.
- Don’t be rash with your words: Eccl. 5:2 says; “Be not rash with thy mouth, and let not thine heart be hasty to utter any thing before God: for God is in heaven, and thou upon earth: therefore let thy words be few.” Never say more than you have to.
- Never believe report or quote a hearsay: In 1991, a Jurist, the Professor Emeritus of Law, Prof. D. A Ijalaye, said something very humorously which has never left me since then, he said, “don’t believe in ‘dem-say’, for when ‘dem-say’ is called upon to come and say ‘dem-say,’ ‘dem-say’ will not be able to say ‘dem-say’, talking about ‘hear-say’. Never act on what somebody tells you about your spouse or about anybody. A woman got home one day, troubled her husband because a friend asked her a question, “were you the one I saw in your husband’s car around Sheraton Hotel?” and that created tension in her. She said, “my husband around Sheraton Hotel with a woman other than me” She got home to create a serious problem with her husband. Later, she discovered that it was her sister who needed the husband’s assistance to connect her with a friend of his, not anywhere near Sheraton Hotel. Never believe hear-say or you will look stupid afterwards.
- Never say what you cannot defend or prove: You can never regret what you have not said. Never say what you cannot support or prove and never say what you cannot defend to your spouse or anybody.
- Quick to hear, be slow to speak: Have enough time to reflect on your words, when you do that, your words will be deep, for shallow-thinkers never make deep impression.
- Never say too much: Never say too much, for the more you talk, the more likely you say something irrelevant. Men of power are men of few words. He who speaks less in an argument is the one in charge. Many marriages have collapsed because wives were talking too much. So many relationships have hit the rocks because the partners were talking too much.
- Never use abusive language or cutting remarks: If you call your wife stupid, she will live to your declaration and if you call your husband irresponsible, he will not disappoint to prove you right. Mind what you say!
- Never correct your spouse in public: It will be counter productive. Oh! Many are guilty of this, you are simply laying the foundation of “civil war” when you both get home.
- Never speak as you see, but as you will like to see: If your wife is not living up to expectation, portray what you desire to see in her life, then, prophesy what you want to see in her destiny. Keep saying what you want to see, for what you say is what you will eventually get.
- Never dominate in any discussion you engage in with your partner or your friend: You learn nothing new, when you are the only one talking. Give others the opportunity to air their views. Nobody has the monopoly of knowledge. You may get something to learn from what they will have to say. No matter the misunderstanding, never stop talking with your spouse for if you are still talking, there is still hope. The first point of death in any relationship is cessation of communication. Do not stop talking and your marriage will not die.
